I don’t need a vendor permit because I’m NOPD’s dominatrix

Yes, you read that right! I was on the street two weekends ago during the NOPD’s joint state and federal police operation rousting street performers from Bourbon Street and the rest of the French Quarter, but I’m protected because I’m a dominatrix and some of the cops are my clients.

Apparently, cops were cracking down on “illegal” street vendors, like people who play instruments for tips, tarot card readers, etc. and citing them for not having business licenses and generally telling them to GTFO because this is what police departments do when you give them more taxpayer dollars than they need.

Using federal cops to crack down on people with tip buckets. What a concept. I didn’t realize we lived in North Korea. Definitely fooled me. There’s nothing that evokes a mental image of Orwell’s boot-on-the-face more than this shit. How ironic because that’s what these cops PAY ME to do to them. I’m getting hot just thinking about it.

It’s not like I even need to stand on the street corner to get business. And even if I do, I’m protected. I’ve built a solid and extensive list of badge-wearing clientele over the years. I’m not even on the internet, except for what you read here. People just page me when they want their asses kicked. I never disappoint.

I make a pretty good living doing what I do — no business license needed. Not that I’d ever get one. What makes you think I’d want to give my money back to my customers? I don’t offer rebates, honey. Males aren’t my only clients– females seek me out, too! “Mrs. C,” I know you know what I’m talking about! Let’s just say I’ve maybe made several recent trips to the Pontalba building.

Anything that your masochistic heart desires, you name it, I have it: whips, chains, paddles, nunchaku, platform Dr. Martens and maintain a heavy intolerance to dairy products, among other “devices.” I keep a copy of the Blue Jacket’s Manual to stay fresh on my knot-tying skills.

I even have my own handcuffs, batons, a Taser (trade from an old client) and uniforms for all of your role-playing needs. I know a person with chicken coops in “rural” Orleans Parish if you feel like going to “jail.” I am to please.

Not including bureaucrats, my clientele includes at least two dozen members of the local law enforcement community, about a handful of judges, countless licensed attorneys and highly-paid corporate executives. I charge a premium for my services.

I think about the people in the French Quarter who were cited for not having a vendors permit or forced to stop hustling under the threat of arrest. Do any of them include people reciting passages from the U.S. Constitution? Girl scouts selling cookies?

I get how the government wants to put a stop to random people serving up under-cooked burgers roasted over a hot plate on the sidewalk, but forcing buskers and tarot card readers to go home? This is not why people move to the French Quarter, given the history of this place. Tell me I’m wrong.

What if the Westboro Baptist Church held an open service on Bourbon Street, like they do several times each year, and they passed around an offering basket, you gonna arrest them if they refuse to stop? To be honest, that would be kind of hilarious if that happened.

What’s even more hilarious is how fast things go back to the way they were prior to the operation that the cops pulled two weeks ago.

If you need me, give me a call. You know who you are.

Athena DeCruelle is a French Quarter dominatrix and she loves to punish. If you’d like to respond or have any questions regarding her lifestyle, send Athena an email at athena@thequarterrat.com.


I’ve made and posted some pretty vicious memes in my days and done time in facebook jail for it. I would never call myself a “Meme lord,” because even I have a warped sense of decency. I will admit I have chuckled at a couple of memes this morning about the unfolding story of the missing submersible. Most have a “Rich white people problems” spin to them. I also see the ones who post those memes. Often the same individuals post virtuous memes about “love, human rights, equality, fairness, compassion etc.”

Thier delight and vitriol over five people suffocating is both disturbing and revealing. They always make it a point to mention that they are billionaires. I can’t afford to fly to Europe, I never will be able to afford it. I would not take delight if a loaded airliner on its way to Europe crashed killing all aboard. “Ha ha! Rich people dying! They deserved it.”

A little kid gets trapped in a well and the entire world stops and hopes for the best. Rich people get trapped in a sub, the world counts down the hours until they are dead while joking about it. That is as disturbing about humanity as joking about the death of a homeless person. We’re all supposed to be equal, right?

“$250,000 for a tourist trip to the wreck of the Titanic? That’s outrageous! They could have fed hungry people with that money!” OK, fine. You spent $5,000 on a trip to Mexico? You could have donated that to a food bank. $150 for a concert ticket? You could have spent that on sandwiches to hand out to the homeless.

It was a stupid idea. Yea, a lot of “cause of deaths” can be attributed to that. Skydiving, rock climbing, hot air balloon trips to the power lines and street racing. I’ll admit I do take delight in watching videos of street racers wrapping their egos around a tree. Whether it be a millionaire in his Lambo or some idiot teen driving his mom’s minivan who played too many video games and watched too many ridiculous car chase movies. The only drawback to their stupidity is the fact they sometimes kill others in their reckless acts.

I bet if Kieth Richards was on that sub these very same people would be screaming for the U.S. Navy to drain the ocean to save his wrinkled old ass. His net worth is about $500 million, I never hear anyone bitch about that. I’ll never live to see him die; I wish I could just to watch the meltdown. I guess only some of the bourgeoise lives matter.

If you are finding a sadistic joy watching this unfold, have fun because we all know how it will end. I’ll just chuckle without comment the next time you post outrage over a death and a rant about the importance of human life.

Recommended Viewing

Here is an excellent video concerning the Hard Rock Hotel collapse from 2019. Concise, thorough and easily understandable report on the causes and the blame. The creator of the video found some footage I hadn’t even seen. He doesn’t mention Cantrell’s name unfortunately.

Somehow, he missed the chance to include the footage the crane demolition that took place and the mention of a small fire that took place during the demo. All in all worth 17 minutes of time to watch it. The video creator is Dark Records on YOUTUBE.

Not sayin, just sayin…

Graphic by Eric T. Styles
When you’re surfin’ your favorite site and see this shit.