Jive Turkey Day

There are so many traditions associated with Thanksgiving: Gorging on three days’ worth of food in one meal, bickering with in-laws over politics, a week’s wage lost on football games and the occasional errant balloon injuring dozens at the Macy’s Parade.

Here in New Orleans, specifically the French Quarter, the tradition of accusing businesses of being racist. This ritual stems from the Bayou Classic, the annual college football game hosted at the Superdome between Grambling State and Southern University.  Again, we host the rival college game for the 52nd season.  New Orleans will be populated by thousands of fans from historically Black colleges.

This happens to coincide with the time when many of our businesses may choose to close their doors for a few days around Thanksgiving and the following weekend. This has, in many previous years, brought up allegations of our local business having a racial motivation for the closures because it directly impacts the fun the visitors are able to have on Bourbon Street. There will be many social media posts calling out the “racist business owners” for blatant discrimination. The outrage is fatter than any genetically modified turkey.

As a service industry worker here in The French Quarter for the past 15 years, allow me to offer these insights.

First, as service workers we are expected, even demanded to work long, hard hours for every other major and minor holiday during the rest of the year. Christmas, New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Mother’s Day, the Fourth of July, Labor Day and Halloween. Not to mention Mardi Gras, the rest of the city just shuts down for it.”

Good luck trying to find any local business to return a call as Carnival starts to get into full swing. Other than the essential government services like police and fire who like us have no choice, the city government practically closes down.  If you were so presumptuous as to dare to ask your employer for time off, his laughter would drown out the jukebox. You either work 12 hour shifts for a week straight like your coworkers or you can quit.

Thanksgiving Day has become sort of a default for staff to have one holiday to enjoy being served instead of serving.  We too have friends and families that we would relish time to spend with. Being a traditional family-oriented holiday, karaoke on Bourbon Street isn’t the first activity that comes to mind. It’s not that big of an ask. How about a little support for the working proletariat pushing back against heartless capitalist systems denying us of our basic human need to enjoy a holiday.

Second: This time is often spent by the businesses to do much needed maintenance work to their establishments.  Most are open seven days a week and are only closed for a few hours per day. That’s enough time to clean and do simple repairs, but major work that may take a couple of days cannot be addressed in a couple of hours. I know of one establishment utilizing this year’s closure to do some floor tile work. It needs a few days of no one walking on it to set properly. These old buildings require a lot of  services, plumbing, painting, electrical etc. That cannot be rushed.

Third: To accuse any establishment in New Orleans of being “rAcIst” is ludicrous. Take a look around any other weekend; half of the staff and customers are most likely Black. What do you think? Behind all of the shuttered doors and windows this weekend Klan meetings are being held?

Allow me to submit this piece of evidence. July Fourth weekend New Orleans hosts Essence Fest, an exclusively Black event that our doors are always open to welcome them and their money. We’re capitalists, the only color we care about is green. If they were the crackers that online warriors claim they are, then Billy Bob would be able to find an excuse to close for that Black event as well.

Just allow the service industry workers to have one holiday for themselves and allow the maintenance workers some time to glue everything back together.

Beer & Titties

Barking at tourists in the mid-day sun
The fucks I give always add up to none

You are looking for a job and sent by Wiener Joe
Cause our barback got fired for selling fake blow
Our manager got killed speeding on his Harley
Now the biggest man here is a dwarf named Charlie

The work is hard and the work is steady
Just don’t you be fuckin up around Big Eddie

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every day in this goddamn city
Beer and titties beer and titties
Why does this street always smell so shitty?

See that dancer with the big double D’s?
She’s shaking it to pay for her master’s degree
After ten years of serving in the Navy
I now sail on this Bourbon Street gravy
We’re not Toulouse and not too tight
We run the hustle through another night

Where’s my shoes did you ask?
In about two seconds they’ll be up your ass

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every night in this goddamn city
Beer and titties beer and titties
Why does your ass always smell so shitty?

We don’t mind if you act a little screwie
But don’t be fuckin with our Uncle Louie
If you get out of line you out of towners
We’ll take you in the alley for a Quarter pounder
Down on Decatur there ain’t no hope
Just cheap drinks and punks on dope

We got some naked pictures of your mom
Check them out at THE QUARTER RAT DOT COM

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every day in this goddamn city

The Quarter Rat’s MAN OF THE YEAR 2020

Larry Flynt taught me everything I know about free speech.


His inspiration is the only reason that The Quarter Rat is still publishing. Mr. Flynt took a bullet for free speech, so have soldiers and protesters from around the world. A crack in the side of everything that are pillars of the establishment. Establishment corporate media, the courts, the church and social standards. He has done more to shake the system than any rock band or publication of the 1960’s and 70’s.

A brilliant capitalist, publisher and hustler. I’ve been binge watching old interviews of him from the 1970s. His words and arguments are as true, if not more so today. Same exact motivations, authoritarianism; same people, just forget about left / right, blue / red, liberal / conservative bullshit.

Instead of bible-thumping Baptists screaming obscenity, we have inter-sectional feminists screaming hate speech. Just replace Jerry Farwell with Jack Dorsey of twitter. Those who practice free speech have gone from being called demonic to racist. The irony is, we protect the speech of those who seek to silence us. It’s a tough battle.

If you’re not going to offend somebody you don’t need the First Amendment.
Larry Flynt

Both will use the same scare tactics. “It’s harmful to women.” We want free speech for women as well. “It’s harmful to the country.” No, it’s the foundation of the country. You, the authoritarian, are harmful. A Republican trying to ban adult material, or a Democrat trying to censor social media — same reasons: Control.

Smoke a bowl and consider this: They went from trying to ban Hustler magazine in the 1970’s to banning Dr fucking Seuss books today. I bet Larry Flynt and George Carlin are having some great discussions in the afterlife right now.

From the standpoint of a French Quarter resident, he was one hell of a neighbor. He always kept a nice place and employed a lot of my friends. The first time I got to layout an ad for one of his clubs, I really felt that I had made it as a graphic artist. Larry, as much of a presence on Bourbon Street that you had, we are proud to call you one of our own, a Quarter Rat.

In the up coming years, we at the Quarter Rat hope to continue your fight.

GrandPre’s to host Stormy Daniels for LGBT Community Center benefit on August 1

Stormy Daniels at the 2010 Adult Entertainment Expo. Photo by flipchip | Wikimedia Commons

Porn star Stormy Daniels will visit GrandPre’s at 834 N. Rampart St. for a party on August 1 to help raise money for the New Orleans LGBT Community Center.

Titled “A MidSummer Night’s Cream,” the event will include an evening of “sparkly drink specials,” go-go dancers, and a “Most Fabulous Fairie” costume contest with prizes and $1,500 in cash. The contest will be judged by Daniels, Lewis St. Louis, and a surprise celebrity.

Additionally, there will be a silent auction, raffle, and Gentilly Snow will be serving food with a portion of the sales being donated to the LGBT Community Center.

Daniels—AKA Stephanie Clifford, a Baton Rouge native—was embroiled in a sex scandal involving President Donald Trump, who reportedly paid $130,000 via his personal (now imprisoned) attorney Michael Cohen in hush money before the 2016 presidential election to cover up an alleged affair with Daniels.

The benefit, which runs from 9 to 11 p.m., is organized by Daniels’ own Swamp Trash Events. Tickets range from $20 to $100 and can be purchased in advance at Big Daddy’s and GrandPre. There isn’t a fee to enter the costume contest but contestants must sign up before 10 p.m.