Jive Turkey Day

There are so many traditions associated with Thanksgiving: Gorging on three days’ worth of food in one meal, bickering with in-laws over politics, a week’s wage lost on football games and the occasional errant balloon injuring dozens at the Macy’s Parade.

Here in New Orleans, specifically the French Quarter, the tradition of accusing businesses of being racist. This ritual stems from the Bayou Classic, the annual college football game hosted at the Superdome between Grambling State and Southern University.  Again, we host the rival college game for the 52nd season.  New Orleans will be populated by thousands of fans from historically Black colleges.

This happens to coincide with the time when many of our businesses may choose to close their doors for a few days around Thanksgiving and the following weekend. This has, in many previous years, brought up allegations of our local business having a racial motivation for the closures because it directly impacts the fun the visitors are able to have on Bourbon Street. There will be many social media posts calling out the “racist business owners” for blatant discrimination. The outrage is fatter than any genetically modified turkey.

As a service industry worker here in The French Quarter for the past 15 years, allow me to offer these insights.

First, as service workers we are expected, even demanded to work long, hard hours for every other major and minor holiday during the rest of the year. Christmas, New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Mother’s Day, the Fourth of July, Labor Day and Halloween. Not to mention Mardi Gras, the rest of the city just shuts down for it.”

Good luck trying to find any local business to return a call as Carnival starts to get into full swing. Other than the essential government services like police and fire who like us have no choice, the city government practically closes down.  If you were so presumptuous as to dare to ask your employer for time off, his laughter would drown out the jukebox. You either work 12 hour shifts for a week straight like your coworkers or you can quit.

Thanksgiving Day has become sort of a default for staff to have one holiday to enjoy being served instead of serving.  We too have friends and families that we would relish time to spend with. Being a traditional family-oriented holiday, karaoke on Bourbon Street isn’t the first activity that comes to mind. It’s not that big of an ask. How about a little support for the working proletariat pushing back against heartless capitalist systems denying us of our basic human need to enjoy a holiday.

Second: This time is often spent by the businesses to do much needed maintenance work to their establishments.  Most are open seven days a week and are only closed for a few hours per day. That’s enough time to clean and do simple repairs, but major work that may take a couple of days cannot be addressed in a couple of hours. I know of one establishment utilizing this year’s closure to do some floor tile work. It needs a few days of no one walking on it to set properly. These old buildings require a lot of  services, plumbing, painting, electrical etc. That cannot be rushed.

Third: To accuse any establishment in New Orleans of being “rAcIst” is ludicrous. Take a look around any other weekend; half of the staff and customers are most likely Black. What do you think? Behind all of the shuttered doors and windows this weekend Klan meetings are being held?

Allow me to submit this piece of evidence. July Fourth weekend New Orleans hosts Essence Fest, an exclusively Black event that our doors are always open to welcome them and their money. We’re capitalists, the only color we care about is green. If they were the crackers that online warriors claim they are, then Billy Bob would be able to find an excuse to close for that Black event as well.

Just allow the service industry workers to have one holiday for themselves and allow the maintenance workers some time to glue everything back together.

Halloweeny

Working in the service industry can be pretty boring sometimes. The same ole everyone else having fun while you work. Halloween is one of those days that breaks up the boredom and monotony. Patrons parade in and out in some great costumes and generally that night draws a different crowd. Not the usual weekend partiers but those that only go out a few times a year as they grow older. Looking for fun and not afraid to splurge.

When I drove cab at night in New jersey it was actually kind of fun on Halloween. Always busy, good tips and a non-stop spectacle. Creative garb sometimes lampooning topical news stories, superheroes, sexy nurses or sexy cops with a sprinkling of drunken zombies. At the end of my night, I would vacuum up all of the feathers, sequins and props.

I never knew what to expect when the customer would walk towards my Crown Vic. I always kissed up by complementing their creativity. We had this one weekend regular who always took a cab to a local club “The Headliner” in Neptune NJ. Each year they had a massive costume contest with a $1,000 prize or something. Even though he was a regular and I heard his address dispatched countless times, this was the first night I actually had him as my passenger.

He exited his apartment (40-ish) wearing torn blue jeans, Converse high-tops, an AC/DC black T-shirt, leather biker jacket, baseball cap and the cheesiest shoulder length black wig. Totally nailed the Mike Myer’s “Wayne’s World” character. When he climbed in, I greeted him with “Hey, Wayne!” He responded with a “Huh?” I guess it didn’t register with him. As I dropped him off at The Headliner I said, “Good luck with the contest.” All though I knew there would be way better costumes than his.

A month or so later, dispatch radios me his address again going to the same place. A couple of minutes after being out front he exits the apartment wearing torn blue jeans, Converse high-tops, an AC/DC black T-shirt, leather biker jacket, baseball cap and the cheesy shoulder length black wig. That wasn’t a costume he was wearing on Halloween, it’s how he always dresses right down to the cheap wig. I mentioned this to the dispatcher back at the cab stand and he laughed “Not a costume, he’s been dressing like that for years!”

10 years later on Halloween I’m working as a dishwasher at a Sicilian restaurant in the French Quarter. The place had been slammed all night. It was close to closing and I was trying to keep caught up. I stuck my head out of the kitchen to see a table of 6 getting up to leave. I grab the plastic tub and start bussing the table as a couple stayed to take care of the tab. The two were maybe in their late 30’s, very professional looking with nice costumes. I can’t remember hers, but he was Kato from The Green Hornet. I mean every detail. The exact hat, mask and chauffeur suit. Neither of them seemed to be having a good night.

“Hey KATO! Did you enjoy your meal?”
His head snapped in my direction as he was paying the tab. “What did you call me?”
“Uhm, Kato? From the Green Hornet, right?”
“Thank fuckin god! Someone tonight knew who the fuck I am! You are the only one, THANK YOU!”
He pulls a $20 out of his wallet and tosses it on the table for me.
“Naw that’s ok man..”
“NO! You take it. You made my night that at least one person knew who Kato was!”
I glanced at his wife who was now kind of smirk-giggling. I guess she was relieved her husband was in a less pissy mood now.

So, this Halloween have fun, make money and keep guessing.

Scary Jerry’s thoughts on Ozzy

Ozzy is dead??? WTF??? Did Ozzy Osbourne Die??? Fucking answer me?
Did Ozzy Osbourne Die??? This is the saddest day in metal ever. I’m Fucking crying.
The Goth Father of Metal Ozzy Osbourne Just Fucking Died!!! WTF!!! We just lost Ozzy Osbourne. I’m so sick!!! Please leave me alone. I’m literally puking. Ozzy Osbourne Died!!!

JUST HAD THE MOST METAL MOMENT EVER.SAW A DUDE WITH A JUDAS PRIEST SHIRT AT BIRDIES.I SAID DUDE.HE SAID DUDE.I SCREAMED OZZY!!! HE HUGGED ME UP.AND WE BOTH STARTED CRYING!!! NOW THAT’S METAL!!!

We lost The Goth Father of Metal Today! Fucking Ozzy Osbourne! I’m in Murder Mode Bro!!! I’m in Fucking tears!!! We lost Ozzy Osbourne!!!

OZZY RAIN
I hid from the storm at my church and I cried myself to sleep. Ozzy Osbourne tried to get into heaven last night and there was a Thunderstorm!!! I can’t stop crying!!!
I vandalized a car window. I bashed a Junky with my Smily! I Scream Ozzy at Rich White Folk! When I die you better snort my 2nd line!!! Ozzy Osbourne!!! Hulk Hogan!!! Ozzy Dying is Killing Me! I Can’t Stop Crying!
My friend Carries Ozzy Tattoo!!! Ozzy Osbourne Died giving 96 million dollars to Parkinson’s! Fuck You Michael J Fox!
THE DEATH OF OZZY IS FUCKING KILLING ME!!! Ozzy Died! I drank myself sick! Mom is Pissed! Cold Turkey 2 Days! Living Hell!

My landscaping boss named Allen McCoy is a pallbearer for the Catholic Cemeteries.
He gave me a badass bike seat and we removed my kickstand with a Mausoleum Key!!! I’m More Goth Than You!!! Scary Jerry!!!
4 Days Sober Again! Still Shaky!
Morning Call Coffee
Straight Black
Will Put Hair
On Your Back
Like Wolfman Jack!!!

Sharon Osbourne secured all of Ozzy’s assets from all the record label vultures within days after his death!Sharon Osbourne Is Fucking Awesome!!!But you can see how skinny she got!!! Grieving and Stress!!!I Love Her!!!

Chef Von Sear was displeased with Ramsey’s Turkey Sausage Meatballs! He had prep cook Jerr Von Scare Throw Them Away! 5 Days Sober! Still Can’t Sleep Well! Still Shaky!
See You In Hell Ozzy!

LOUIE BABIN DIED AT 1:30 AM TODAY! MORNING CALL! MY AA SPONSOR! LIKE MY GRANDPA!

Due to the recent death of Louie Babin.
Please respect my privacy. 6 Days Sober. Love Scary Jerry… Louie Babin and I Would watch Svengoolie every Saturday Night!!!
Louie Babin and I Watched every game When the Chicago Cubs Won the World Series!!! Louie Babin was the Worst AA Sponsor Ever!!!  And I was the Worst Sponsee Ever!!! I’m at Morning Call Waiting to hang out With the Ghost of Louie Babin!!!  6 Nights Sober Again!!!
All I Need Is A Suitcase And A Gun!
I’m Only Happy When I’m On A Drunk!
There Is A Hell I Call New Orleans!
What’s A Junkies Favorite Game? Hokey Pokey

RIP LOUIE BABIN
1947 to 2025


RIP LOUIE BABIN!!! WAITING FOR YOUR GHOST AT MORNING CALL!!! RIP OZZY OSBOURNE RIP LOUIE BABIN
BACK TO BACK!!! 6 NIGHTS STILL SOBER
STILL SHAKY!!! WAITING AT MORNING CALL WAITING TO HANG OUT WITH THE GHOST OF LOUIE BABIN!!!

Note to Vampires Without Sunlight All Vegetation Dies And We’ll All Be Eaten Alive By Rickets!

“Watch How You Treat People On Your Way Up! You Gotta Meet Those Same People On Your Way Down!” Ozzy Osbourne.
I have a friend who is Doing bad. He works For an art Gallery. Never has not Even a Cigarette. Always begging and bumming. And His Boss Is Rich!

Chef Von Sear Fired Ramsey! I got Promoted to Prep Jerr Von Scare! 9 Days Sober Again! Still Got Mourning Panic! Starting A Nola Sludge Band Called CRETINS BEERWATER REVIVAL! Scorn On Da Bayou!
Rain put me outta work 2 days in a row! Fuck!

I’m the kind of Drunk Who Fights a Cop then Does 32 Days In Jail.
We Are Not The Same!

Beer & Titties

Barking at tourists in the mid-day sun
The fucks I give always add up to none

You are looking for a job and sent by Wiener Joe
Cause our barback got fired for selling fake blow
Our manager got killed speeding on his Harley
Now the biggest man here is a dwarf named Charlie

The work is hard and the work is steady
Just don’t you be fuckin up around Big Eddie

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every day in this goddamn city
Beer and titties beer and titties
Why does this street always smell so shitty?

See that dancer with the big double D’s?
She’s shaking it to pay for her master’s degree
After ten years of serving in the Navy
I now sail on this Bourbon Street gravy
We’re not Toulouse and not too tight
We run the hustle through another night

Where’s my shoes did you ask?
In about two seconds they’ll be up your ass

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every night in this goddamn city
Beer and titties beer and titties
Why does your ass always smell so shitty?

We don’t mind if you act a little screwie
But don’t be fuckin with our Uncle Louie
If you get out of line you out of towners
We’ll take you in the alley for a Quarter pounder
Down on Decatur there ain’t no hope
Just cheap drinks and punks on dope

We got some naked pictures of your mom
Check them out at THE QUARTER RAT DOT COM

Beer and titties beer and titties
I scream it every day in this goddamn city

Why are you here?

I lost my job, well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now. – Bobcat Goldthwait

Working in the French Quarter service industry can create tight friendships among co-workers. We count on each other and cover for each other. Years in the trenches together sometimes end when one co-worker moves on. We promise to stay in contact, but sadly we usually drift apart. A former work buddy sticking their head in for a little “hello” can bring smiles to everyone. A quick update, a little bit of gossip and a reminder of why we liked each other.

Those visits should happen more, only IF the former employee leaves on good terms. They give in plenty of notice and work just as hard on their last two weeks as they did on their first two weeks. If the employer shakes their hand and says, “You’re always welcome to come back to your old job at any time.” Ideal departure.

If an employee quits a job with no notice or with high drama, perhaps they shouldn’t comeback, even as a customer. Show a little self-awareness. If you are 86’d as an employee, you probably shouldn’t consider yourself a welcomed patron either — especially if you were fired. I’d be damned if my dumb ass got fired from a business, I’d then go back to spend money earned from my current position. I have seen it happen for years.

“Oh, I just came back to visit with my good friend who works here!” If you really are good friends, they can come visit you at your new job or you can arrange to get together somewhere else. If you were actually fired from your job, then there is a very good likelihood that the rest of your co-workers weren’t as fond of you as you think.

Think about all of those who you have worked with over the years that have been out and out fired, did you really miss them? Most of the time it’s those remaining workers who think “About time, we have been carrying their ass and putting up with their bullshit too long.” If your boss thinks that you are a lousy employee, probably everyone else thinks it too. If your “good friend” still works there, then odds are they were the 2nd worst worker.

“Just getting caught up” quickly evolves into workplace gossip, talking shit about the other workers, talking more shit about the business and the boss. Malicious words to portray yourself as a victim of an “unjust firing” and to lay seeds of discontent among the remaining staff. Perhaps that one person is happy to see you (or is only pretending to be) while the rest quietly whisper: “How can they show their face in here?”

It’s really cringe and has a “stalky” feel to it, like always showing up where your ex is.