Commie Karens

“Just present the facts” my editor advised when I bounced an idea for a piece on this shutdown. “Why? People will reject and dismiss information that counters their beliefs.” I don’t trust your sources, you don’t trust mine. Discussion is futile.

“Don’t you trust science?”
Yes I do, I just don’t trust those claiming to represent science. They are humans. They are driven by the same motivations as everyone else. Greed, power, ego, and can be wrong. Doctors were paid in the 1950s to promote healthier cigarette brands. Science gave us Thalidomide, a drug that was prescribed as a sedative and treatment for morning sickness in pregnant women. It lead to miscarriages and severe birth defects in tens of thousands of babies.

Dr. Fauci a year ago said that wearing masks was pointless. Later, he pushed wearing masks, then the wearing of two masks, backtracked briefly on that statement, and finally said we should wear two. I could provide all of the dates, video clips, mainstream new articles substantiating the above, but why. If you are one of those who think the sun shines out of that man’s ass won’t click on the links, or you will contort reason to validate your narrative.

If only Bill Nye would tell people to put a plastic bag over their heads and hold it in place with a rubber band. This pandemic would be over in a few days and the rational people could go on about their lives. We would only lose those people who quote a children’s show host as gospel. I liked Pee Wee Herman, but I would never accept medical advice from him.

I wear my mask like an obedient servant to the state when I go into a business. It’s like a “No shirt, no shoes, no service rule.” Fine, it’s your business, I’ll abide. It comes off as soon as I exit. I want to be seen wearing a mask on the street about as much as I want to be seen wearing a political armband aligning myself to a ideology. A public declaration that I am obedient to the state, corporate and establishment doctrine.

“Do you want to kill grandma?”
Fuck your grandmother. Her and her 97.5% survivable rate in seniors. She didn’t get old by being weak and careful. Granny in her day was snorting a line of coke off the cock of a guy driving 120 MPH in a sports car. Stop the emotional manipulation with “What about the elderly? What about the children? What about the Polar bears?”

I’m a heavy smoker close to 60. I’ve lived my life, I’ll sacrifice it to save my friend’s small business. The economy is far more important than my life, or even a tiny, minute fraction of the population. Where’s the socialist ethos of the individual making a sacrifice for the best interests of the group? Oh, your candy ass meant only the wealthy making sacrifices for you. If you are not willing to die en masse for the sake of the group, then you’re a fucking lousy socialist.

Who is pro-mask? I noticed a lot of similarities in the pro-maskers. I’m not saying everyone who is a mask advocate falls into one of these groups, just that these groups seem to be fanatical mask wearers.

Fat Commie Fucks
This would have been me in my early twenties. We all have worked with you. The slackers, the whiners who spend all day complaining about work. Bitching about how the boss who owns this business doesn’t know what he’s doing and is making a fortune off of our labor. You come in late, you blow off early with false claims of illness. You’re shitty employees and just generally shitty people who are lazy, selfish, narcissistic fucks.

You see this pandemic as a dream come true. The great reset. The government has told you that you are not allowed to go to work. They even give you money to stay home. All of the billionaires will pay for it. You can sit at home all day playing video games in your parent’s basement or share a shithole apartment with other Bernie Sanders supporters. Just enough money to pay for your smokes, binge drinking and mac and cheese. You don’t want to return to work out of concern for your health.

If you always wear a mask, even while driving alone in your car and have been known to bore your friends and co-workers with tedious details of your last surgery, this is for you. I’m sure by now you have already contracted it. The COVID-19 tests have been notoriously inaccurate. You kept going back to be tested until you got back the positive results that you desired.

“The doctor said I almost died from it.” With delight you posted it on social media and keep checking back every five minutes for all of the “support.” Little sad face and heart emojis, maudlin comments from people who love to be seen as one who actually cares. (they don’t) Like-minded contacts are quick to share “I know six people who have caught the COVID, this validates my hyperbolic justification of shutting down the economy.”

You’re probably shaking a fist at me right now. A fist sticking out of a plastic brace because you have “The carpal tunnel syndrome.”

Drama Queens
This has been your decade. Climate change ending the world in 12 years, the President is a Russian spy, cops are hunting minorities, ban scary looking guns for the sake of the children, every man is a rapist. A pandemic is a wet dream for you. I know all of you have been very disappointed that millions haven’t died from it yet. You eagerly share every updated figure and screech about spikes. It’s like you are watching your investment money in the stock market. When the line starts to go up you get all excited. If the numbers drops, you keep your fingers crossed in hopes that it will go back up. You love the death and drama, it fills your narcissistic need for attention.

As overused as this term has become, it is a pandemic of its own. You love rules. Rules allow you to feel in control, of others and your own life. You walk out of your front door looking for others to dominate. “Clean up after your dog, you can’t park there, wear your mask.” You are a virtuous and brave super hero fighting evil where ever you see it. All of this would have been over by now if everyone had just obeyed the rules. “It’s not fair, all of you are selfish monsters, it’s the rule!”

The only facts that you want to hear come from your political alignment and corporate establishment. With cult-like devotion you blindly regurgitate talking points and numbers that you truly don’t comprehend. Your obedience gives you comfort. You feel secure with belonging to a group. Like an insecure high schooler overly self-conscious about wearing the right clothes, the right hair style, fitting in with the cool kids. No individuality, no critical thought, just group think. It must be true because my favorite late night talk show hosts say it is. I belong to this side and everyone else is evil.

I don’t fucking give a shit anymore. My health is failing from a lifetime of poor choices. Let me contract the fucking COVID, let it kill me. If it ain’t that it will be something else. I do hope it’s something else just so not to add to their fear-mongering statistics. Oh wait, if a gutter punk was to beat me to death, the coroner’s report would still list it as “COVID related.”

Tell me again about your statistics.

Graphic by Eric T. Styles. Questions, comments, complaints, anecdotes, tips or do you want to tell Eric about those statistics? Send it to or